@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
