just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
