don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Holy sore nipples Batman
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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