He disabled his match.com account in front of me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
