STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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