You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
