I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
