Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
