I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
