i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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