i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
