It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
