and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
