I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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