i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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