She is in my trunk
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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