In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
