She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
