Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize