this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's always time for handjobs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
