If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
