Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
