Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
