You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think people are normalizing furries
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
