i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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