im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
