And the cops told us we were all naked.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
