just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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