So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We had to coat check the pizza.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
