I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
