I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
