are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
