we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so let's talk penis.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Operation Purity has been aborted
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
