i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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