I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
