You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
