What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
