I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
