You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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