I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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