I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
everyone is single if you try hard enough
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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