you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
