lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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