then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
