Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
