Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
