if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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