I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
