He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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