the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
