Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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