i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
