he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
