he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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