Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
