I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
