I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
