Porn is love you can see.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
