Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
