I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize