My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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