my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
