I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
