her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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