Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
