At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
