I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
