Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
