Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
