Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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