giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
please come you make the beer taste better
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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