all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
