i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
