I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
