So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
