Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
