dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
