So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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