All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
