i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
