So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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