The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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