Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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