my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
