You just made me feel so damn special
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
