She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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