don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
