There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
