Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
