He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
