I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
